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AMC Offering Bottomless Popcorn and Free Heart Attacks During Cinema Week

Somethings Gotta Give Heart Attack
Sony Pictures Releasing

AMC Theatres, the nation’s largest cinema chain, is offering its customers “all you can eat” popcorn with the purchase of any size tub starting June 22. The promotion, one of several deals that AMC is running through the first-ever Cinema Week, will extend through June 30. It will be available at all AMC locations in the country.Variety

Popcorn lovers and those who don’t wish to live till next week, rejoice! AMC is offering bottomless popcorn at all locations throughout Cinema Week, which gives us so much material to unpack here.

First of all, Cinema Week isn’t a thing. AMC literally made it up just now. Every week there’s a new thing. Matter of fact, every day has a ridiculous number of “special commemorations” or “celebrations” associate with it. Don’t believe me? According to NationalToday.com, this day–June 22nd–has four holidays associated with it: Chocolate Éclair Day, HVAC Tech Day, Kissing Day, and Onion Ring Day. Seriously.

Next, do you have any idea how much fat, salt, and calories are in a tub of movie theater popcorn? A large AMC popcorn WITHOUT BUTTER has 1,030 calories, 41 grams of fat, and so much salt, the testing machine imploded on itself.

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What’s more, the “butter” isn’t anything close to actual butter. It’s not even dairy. It’s non-hydrogenated soybean oil that’s been colored and flavored. Each tablespoon contains about 130 calories.

I once sat next to a guy that ate an entire tub of popcorn, left the theater in the middle of the movie, returned with a second tub of popcorn, and ate the entire second one as well. He munched on popcorn (chewing with his mouth open) for well over an hour straight. It was sickening. I wanted to vomit. Yet at the same time it was such a spectacle I couldn’t help but keep my attention on him. I forget what movie I was watching at the time, but to this day, still remember the guy.

In retrospect, the pandemic probably saved his life. Or at least delayed his death by a year. Nobody can consume that much movie theater popcorn on a regular basis and survive.

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Therefore, be warned: bottomless popcorn may sound like a good deal, but the grave plot, casket and headstone will cost far, far more than you bargained for.