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Bennifer Is Back: Time to Restore the GigliVerse

Gigli 2 Restore the GigliVerse
Gigli 2 Restore the GigliVerse

Fans of the most loveable couple on the planet have waited seventeen long years for this news: BENNIFER IS BACK!

Indeed, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez are reportedly a couple again, recently spending “several days together” in Montana. Is Montana some kind of rich person paradise like Bohemian Grove that is kept secret from us poors? Must be. Because until proven otherwise, I’m under the impression that Montana doesn’t even have indoor plumbing.

Beside the Bennifer portmanteau, the pair are most famous for their 2003 film “Gigli.” I’ve been repeatedly beaten about the head and neck by angry fans of the site over the years, so my long-term memory isn’t as sharp as it used to be. But as far as I remember, “Gigli” was a critical and financial success. It currently reps a 6% Fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes, which is wayyy fresher than those outhouses they use out in Montana, so there’s that. Plus check out the T and A on the above poster–the titillation and artistry–it’s among the most palpable of any movie poster ever made.

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Accordingly, now that the power of the purse has been seized by the people, as exemplified by the success of the grassroots Restore the Snydercut campaign and subsequent release of “Zack Snyder’s Justice League,” it’s time to once again collectively rise up and demand Columbia Pictures do what previously seemed impossible: RESTORE THE GIGLIVERSE.

Have fans been chomping at the bit, calling for a continuance of the Gigli universe? No! Has anyone involved in the film showed any interest in rebooting the franchise? Heck no! Why? Because nobody ever imagined that Bennifer could/would/should ever be a thing again. But now that Bennifer is back on, let’s dig up Martin Brest and get that man back in the director’s chair again.

Think Brest isn’t up for “Gigli 2”? Nonsense. The man directed “Going In Style,” “Beverly Hills Cop,” “Scent of a Woman,” AND “Meet Joe Black.” The dude is legit. Never mind the fact that after he directed the original “Gigli,” he never directed anything again.

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Like me, Brest has simply been biding his time, waiting for the reunion of Bennifer. Now that it’s here, let’s not waste the opportunity. Join the movement. Demand traction. Restore the GigliVerse!