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Chris Pratt Is Going To Play All Your Favorite Animated Characters And You Can’t Stop Him

Chris Pratt
Marvel

Chris Pratt is a well known actor, but recently he’s been a major force in the voice acting world much to everyone’s chagrin. This includes his odd casting as Mario in the upcoming animated “Super Mario Bros.” movie, to his even odder casting as the cat Garfield (yes, Chris Pratt is going to play Garfield). Some studio heads thought Chris Pratt would make a good Garfield. I am convinced they just pull names out a hat and Chris Pratt is on a hot streak.

Honestly, I believe this phenomenon can be chalked up to animated movies just wanting celebrity voice talent even if they don’t fit the role. If you were a kid from the early 2000s and onward, you remember the bit part in any animated movie trailer where the commercial voice guy says all those famous names that makes mommy go, “Oh wow, he’s in this.” And you feel like an adult, because mommy knew someone in your dumb, kids movie. That feeling is also why we have adult jokes in kids movies. If you get the parents to laugh, the kids will think the movie is REALLY funny. It got an adult to laugh after all. Only really funny movies can do that in the mind of a child. 

So, Chris Pratt seems to be jumping on this money train as I’m sure a few days in a voice booth is preferable to a few months on set for relatively the same paycheck. I have decided to come up with three other roles the actor could pursue while he’s at it. Judging by his track record so far, he’ll get them too. 

Tails

Now that I have suggested this, a random studio exec will make it happen.

Chris Pratt kicked off a wave of fan outrage at his Mario casting, so let’s see if we can get Sonic fans as riled up by making him the blue blur’s best pal, Miles “Tails” Prowers. Tails is usually voiced by a child as Tails is supposed to be a child. It wouldn’t fit to have well-known grown man, Chris Pratt, voicing him. That’s why he’s up here first. 

Charlie Brown

Good Grief

Speaking of grown men voicing children, let’s continue that 3D animated “Peanuts” movie franchise, but with Chris Pratt as Charlie Brown. Everyone else can still be kids. That way, this creative decision is even more jarring. 

Spongebob Squarepants

Chris Pratt would actually be a good Patrick, but we know who’s getting top billing.

Last, but certainly not least, is the sponge who lives in a pineapple under the sea. Spongebob Squarepants has a high pitched voice that sounds natural to the character. Chris Pratt has a low, manly voice that really wouldn’t work. Now, he did play an overly joyful, wage slave in “The Lego Movie,” so he could capture the character of Spongebob, but probably not the voice.

But, Chris Pratt is gonna get the role anyways. He gets all animated roles and he won’t stop until he has voiced every character from your childhood. He won’t voice them well, but at the very least, he won’t voice them badly either. He will voice them as Chris Pratt and when the trailer comes to that part to introduce who is voicing who, Chris Pratt will always come first.   

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