Every film site is offering up their predictions this week on who will win their respective categories at the 93rd Academy Awards. The problem is that while everyone cares about their own picks, nobody actually cares about other people’s picks.
In order to make Metaflix’s predictions somewhat interesting, we’re going to zig while everyone else zags. Accordingly, the following picks from our respective contributors are real, but our reasons are most certainly not.
Best International Feature Film
- Keith: “Another Round” (Denmark) – A subtle jab at the Academy Awards who should follow the Golden Globes’ lead by utilizing booze, booze, and more booze.
- Sam: “Better Days” (Hong Kong) – “Better Dayz” by REASON is a great song so this film must be pretty good too.
- Josh: “The Man Who Sold His Skin” (Tunisia) – Haven’t seen it, but assume it’s like those anti-smoking commercials, right?
- Rishi: “Another Round” (Denmark) – I actually talked to all five members who watched the international films and they all decided “Collective” was the best, but it used Comic Sans for a subtitle font. It’s 2021, that’s just unacceptable.
- Keith: “Nomadland,” Joshua James Richards – I heard Richards carved all those soaring mountains and planted all those rolling prairies by hand. He deserves it.
- Sam: “Mank,” Erik Messerschmidt – I was going to go to a panel Messerschmidt was slated to speak at but he dropped out last minute … must’ve been to write his acceptance speech.
- Josh: “Mank,” Erik Messerschmidt – It reminded me of that movie “Citizen Kane.”
- Rishi: “Mank,” Erik Messerschmidt – When Academy voters learned that “Mank” was in black and white, they began salivating uncontrollably, formed a cult, and chanted the ancient incantations of Cthulhu.
Best Animated Feature Film
- Keith: “Soul” (Pixar) – I didn’t see it but I feel like people would say mean things about me on Twitter if I picked anything else.
- Sam: “Soul” (Pixar) – The only move Disney+ released for free is actually their best.
- Josh: “Soul” (Pixar) – This movie had so much … heart.
- Rishi: “Soul” (Pixar) – Oscar voters may not have seen “Soul,” but they did listen to their children recite every line of dialogue from it. Their kids may be failing the second grade, but hey, the first act is electric!
Best Original Score
- Keith: “Soul,” Trent Reznor, Atticus Ross, Jon Batiste – Because who doesn’t love hearing Jon Batiste cackling just offscreen to mildly amusing jokes.
- Sam: “Soul,” Trent Reznor, Atticus Ross, Jon Batiste – Jon Batiste is about to win an Oscar before he wins a Grammy.
- Josh: “News of the World,” James Newton Howard – Weird they used the “Newsies” soundtrack, but I dig it.
- Rishi: “Soul” (Pixar) – Most of the Academy members haven’t had their hearing since seeing “Tenet” last year, so this one was just a best guess situation.
Best Original Screenplay
- Keith: “Minari” – While the screenplays may be original, half the stories aren’t; they’re just historical retellings!
- Sam: “Sound of Metal” – It would be the most Academy thing ever to give this award to a film that Hollywood refused to greenlight for so many years.
- Josh: “Sound of Metal” – Darius Marder drummed for the Rolling Stones to prepare for this role.
- Rishi: “Promising Young Woman” – It’s unclear why Fennell would win this one. In other news, all the Academy voters’ children just got accepted to the Fennell School of Communication.
Best Adapted Screenplay
- Keith: “The Father” – Most of Hollywood has daddy issues.
- Sam: “Borat Subsequent Moviefilm” – Watching all of these beautifully written films lose to “Borat” will be the most 2020 thing I can think of.
- Josh: “Borat Subsequent Moviefilm” – Interesting it took 9 screenwriters to write a movie that’s mostly improv.
- Rishi: “The Father” – Oscar voters didn’t even need to finish watching the trailer before realizing Anthony Hopkins was in it. Containing Anthony Hopkins is the secret to any great screenplay.
Best Supporting Actress
- Keith: Maria Bakalova (“Borat Subsequent Moviefilm”) – Everyone loves an underdog, especially in Kazakhstan where they say “God, man, horse, dog, then woman, then rat.”
- Sam: Olivia Colman (“The Father”) – Nobody saw “The Father” so I’ll just take the Academy’s word for it.
- Josh: Maria Bakalova (“Borat Subsequent Moviefilm”) – Her performance was VERY NICE!
- Rishi: Youn Yuh-jung (“Minari”) – One Oscar voter described the film as “A beautiful tale of Minari” and “What a brilliant Minari” and “I have definitely seen Minari.” Guys, come on, he’s definitely seen Minari so stop asking!
Best Supporting Actor
- Keith: LaKeith Stanfield (“Judas and the Black Messiah”) – Same reason as Josh, but he submitted his predictions first so now I have to credit him.
- Sam: LaKeith Stanfield (“Judas and the Black Messiah”) – I just want to see the Oscar statuette make a cameo in “Atlanta” season 3.
- Josh: LaKeith Stanfield (“Judas and the Black Messiah”) – He could be the first Leading Actor to win Best Supporting Actor.
- Rishi: Daniel Kaluuya (“Judas and the Black Messiah”) – Leslie Odom Jr. challenged Kaluuya to a duel at dawn, but Kaluuya aimed his pistol at the sky, and the Oscars respect honor. You’ll never learn, Leslie Odom Jr.
Best Leading Actress
- Keith: Carey Mulligan (“Promising Young Woman”) – Mulligan was better at pretending to be drunk than a Mormon on spring break. In the words of Futurama’s Calculon, “Unholy … acting … TALENT!“
- Sam: Frances McDormand (“Nomadland”) – If taking a dump in a bucket isn’t worth an Oscar, I don’t know what is.
- Josh: Andra Day (“The United States v. Billie Holiday”) – Andra Day was phenomenal as The United States (I haven’t seen the movie).
- Rishi: Carey Mulligan (“Promising Young Woman”) – This was probably Frances McDormand’s but after attending a dinner with Oscar voters, she did not reach for the check at the end of the night. Mulligan—a famous check-reacher—likely has the upper hand here.
Best Leading Actor
- Keith: No Pick – There’s the actor playing a disability, the actor who tragically passed away, the actor who is a living legend, the actor performing an ode to classic Hollywood, and the actor representing the immigrant experience. The five nominees are the equivalent to the Academy’s Infinity Stones and this category may very well summon Thanos!
- Sam: Chadwick Boseman (“Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom”) – No jokes for this one. Chadwick stole the show.
- Josh: Riz Ahmed (“Sound of Metal”) – He’s the dude from Wu Tang, right? Yea, he should win.
- Rishi: Chadwick Boseman (“Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom”) – All the Academy voters actually voted for Daniel Day-Lewis, but after learning he had retired, decided on Chadwick Boseman.
- Keith: Chloé Zhao (“Nomadland”) – The writing is on the wall (and not on the mirror, Promising Young Woman!). Just because I disagree with it doesn’t mean it won’t happen.
- Sam: Chloé Zhao (“Nomadland”) – Who isn’t rooting for MCU directors every year?
- Josh: Emerald Fennell (“Promising Young Woman”) – This would mark the first female stew ingredient to win Best Director.
- Rishi: Chloé Zhao (“Nomadland”) – Zhao and an Oscar voter went to IKEA to find a new chair. Conflict ensued, friends became enemies, heroes became villains, the entire landscape of global politics changed, and they agreed that he can get the bean bag chair if she can get an Oscar.
- Keith: “Mank” (Netflix) – Longest film wins. Everybody knows them’s the rules.
- Sam: “Judas and the Black Messiah” (Warner Bros.) – Any movie co-staring Ashton Sanders should win Best Picture.
- Josh: “Promising Young Woman” (Focus Features) – Joker didn’t win, so Jokette must.
- Rishi: “Nomadland” (Searchlight Pictures) – Enough Oscar voters actually hated “Nomadland” to make it lose, but all those voters decided to rent their own van to “show McDormand how it’s done,” and they missed the voting period.
Thus concludes our 2021 Oscars predictions, folks. Don’t be afraid to come ’round here more often, ya hear?
Love and cinema,