I’ve been seeing lists a lot all over the internet. Everybody’s ranking stuff these days. Best Marvel movies? Check the internet. Best dresses at the Golden Globes? Oh yeah. “Harry Potter” movies? Ranked and ranked. But I figured, since the franchise is so popular, we might as well capitalize on the “Harry Potter” craze and the list craze.
It’s not too late to capitalize on “Harry Potter,” right? Somebody let me know if I’m missing something here.
So, here at Metaflix, we made our own, definitive ranking of all 8 “Harry Potter” movies. And, really, how hard could it be?
1. ‘Prisoner of Azkaban’
Ah, the film that started it all. Well, the film that started it all after the first two films started it all. Who couldn’t love all that dark stuff? But mostly, we have to rank it first because it was directed by Alfonso Cuarón, and we are such suckers for Oscar winners.
Phew! That wasn’t so hard, was it? This is a great start to this great list. And it was easy. This film set the direction for all the rest. Its darkness was the reason “The Deathly Hallows Part 2” was such a masterpiece. Wait … on second thought, shouldn’t that movie be ranked number one? Hmm, ok, that’s ok, we can do a quick swap.
1, for real this time. ‘Deathly Hallows Part 2’
Ah, the film that finished it all. This feels like a better number one. Forget about “Prisoner of Azkaban,” this is where we should be. This list is back on track! So much great stuff here. Epic battles, Snape, a beautiful finale, prisoners in Azkaban.
Wait! Dangit! That’s the other movie again. Maybe that should be number one? No, I already committed, we have to move forward. We will make this list definitive.
2? ‘Chamber of Secrets’
What? “Chamber of Secrets”? Ok, somebody really dropped the ball here. There’s just no way this can be number 2! We are going to be laughed out of town. I’m really sorry about this, I have absolutely no idea how this happened.
I thought we all agreed “Chamber of Secrets” was the worst of the franchise? I don’t really know where to go from here.
3. ‘The Two Towers’
Is this list still going? Um, ok then, let’s see here. “Two Towers” is a great “Harry Potter” film. Lots of action. Magic, probably. Daniel Radcliff, I think. Man, this list is really getting away from me. We had such a strong start, too.
4. ‘Harry Potter 4’
I used to be something, you know? I was writing pieces that mattered. Like about how Armie Hammer is a cannibal. Or about how Sacha Baron Cohen is illegally selling vaccines. Stuff that mattered! Now, here we are. I decided to make one list and everything went to crap.
So… I don’t know, let’s just say “Harry Potter” number 4? That’s good enough, I guess.
5. All the Other ‘Harry Potter’ Movies
We tried our best. Trying to rank all the “Harry Potter” movies is a lot harder than people think. We just decided to group all the rest of the movies together, because, frankly, who can even remember them?
So, there you have it! Metaflix’s definitive list of all the “Harry Potter” movies ranked. Was it an easy ride? Not really. Did we get there in the end? I’ll let you be the judge of that.
But from now on, when your friends ask how you would rank the “Harry Potter” movies, whip out this list and watch their jaws drop!